Valentine's Day 101

Well my friends, January has come to a close, tax season has begun, and panic has commenced. I'm not talking about panic over taxes that are almost due.  No, I am talking about the panic that Valentine's day is now only two weeks away. How could this have snuck up on me you wonder? Well it shouldn't have. There's only been dizzy, nausea-inducing displays for weeks of red hearts with crappy chocolate and cheesy cards with hearts and kisses and oddly, the characters from Frozen. Somehow the concept of ice + heart doesn't seem very romantic, but hey. Actually, now that I think about it, hearts aren't very romantic. Have you actually seen a real heart? Google it, it's gross. Part of the problem with Valentine's day is that there are so many freaking options, yet you never know where to start. Or, everything feels cliche and you get tired of the same old thing every year. Or, when you Google ideas you come across the image of something cute, then you click on it, then you realize it's a DIY thing from Martha freaking Stewart, then you attempt to make it and fail so miserably, even your dog hangs his head in shame (see also, Pinterest Fails). Anyways, I'm here to help with your Valentine's plan, so take a deep breath and slow down your heart palpitations, everything will be fine. Maybe.

Now that you are breathing at a normal rate again, take a second and look around you. This is Washington, DC, this is a beautiful city. There are so many great places for romance here, no matter what your budget is. Let's start with romantic dinners. Before you say 'OMG evvvvvvryone does one, I thought this was going to be different', just be quiet and keep reading. Your Valentine's Day will stink if your date is starving. Hungry turns to cranky, cranky turns to very unromantic. So rule one, feed your date. Thankfully, DC has food options to fit any need. Let's start at the top of the scale, go big or go home (alone) right? 1789 Restaurant offers a six course Valentine's tasting menu for $105 a person or $150 with wine pairings. Dont. Skip. The. Wine. This place is fancy, jackets are required, but it has great food and ooozes charm and old-school romance. The menu features a whole bunch of expensive looking, hard to pronounce food, which means it must be good. But it also said something about champagne and fudge, so you're set!

Try a river cruise. The dinner cruise ships that said around the Potomac turn into Love Boats for Valentine's Day. Odyssey Cruises offer a Valentine's dinner cruise for $160 that includes the obligatory glass of champagne, fine dining as well as live music and dancing. To top it all off, there are amazing views of DC's monuments. I don't know about you, but the monuments lit up at night, is the single most beautiful sight in the city.

If you are looking for some place a little more wallet-friendly, hop over the river to Alexandria and head to Bistrot Royal. Located in Old Town (already a super cute destination), Bistrot Royal is a classic French bistrot offering couples a 3 course prix fixe menu for $55 a person. Highlights of the menu include lobster bisque, filet mignon, and almond butter cake. If $100 for a night out is too much for you, try cooking at home. I think that is a very under-appreciated approach. Seriously, if I came home and my partner has cooked a nice dinner, lit some candles, and turned on some Sinatra, I'd find that very romantic. Call me simple, but romance really isn't tough.

Ok, now that rule one of feeding your date is covered, let's move on the rule two. Try something unique! Head over to the Crime and Punishment Museum for their 'Crimes of Passion' night. There you will get handcuffed to your sweetie (no word yet on if you can take the cuffs home...) and wander through the regular exhibits plus a special section featuring various passion fueled crimes.  You could also try a walking tour, with chocolate! Great Food Tours offers a walking tour of Georgetown that stops at 6 different places to sample delicious chocolate from pie to cupcakes to fudge. The tour takes about two hours and is outdoors, so dress accordingly. I can say from experience, having taken this tour, do it! It's a great tour and a lot of fun. Plus, chocolate.

If you are looking for something more refined, why not try a scavenger hunt? A scavenger hunt you say? How can that be refined? Because it takes place at the American Art Museum and National Portrait Gallery, that's why. Watson Adventures is hosting a special Valentine's Day only event called The Naked at the Art Museum Scavenger Hunt. Yup, it's a scavenger hunt where you go find the nudies in the art. But it's tasteful, because it's art. Knowledge of art, or nudity, is not required, but is helpful.

Finally, if your idea of a great Valentine's Day is getting blitzed with Cupid or you want to pay homage to all of the failed relationships born out of six beers at the bar, there is the Cupid's Bar Crawl. For a measly $20 on February 7th, you can take a shot at love at some of DuPont Circle's hottest venues. Your $20 investment will get you Valentine's Day beads, because when are there ever enough beads, a refillable mug, door prizes, and pictures of your shame. There are currently 12 bars participating with more on the way.

There you have it. Hopefully this helped. If not, Google something. If it isn't on the internet, it doesn't exist. Whatever you end up doing, enjoy the day and be responsible.